Go See a Therapist - (A good one!)

Therapy for Non-Personality-Disordered Individuals

Therapy - Once they have learned to protect themselves and emotionally detach from the personality -disordered individuals in their lives, many Non-Personality Disordered Individuals (Non-PD's) find that they benefit from spending time with a good therapist where they can be encouraged, learn more about themselves and learn ways to work on themselves.

It sometimes surprises people who visit our site when we begin to talk about the need to work on ourselves.

Why should I go to see a Therapist? There's nothing wrong with me.

One of the great fallacies of our modern culture is that if you go to see a therapist it means there is something wrong with you, you are a weak person, you should be ashamed.

The reality is that many people who really do have a mental illness refuse to see a therapist too - for the same reason.

There is a stigma attached to mental illness in our society that really does us a disservice.

When someone breaks their leg, we don't ridicule them for going to see a doctor, getting a cast and taking a pain killer. Why do we ridicule people when they get help for hurt on the inside? It's irrational. It's prejudicial. Who is the crazy person - the person who needs help and gets it or the person who needs help and doesn't?

One of the most brilliant minds that ever existed, Albert Einstein, once said: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." He was right.

But I'm not the one who is sick...

You don't need to be sick to work on yourself! The healthiest people in the world are often the ones who work the hardest on themselves - like Olympic Athletes. It's people who neglect themselves who are most at risk of getting sick. What's true for our bodies is also true for our spirits.

It's very common for people who have been in a relationship with someone who suffers from a personality disorder to have put all their own needs into a box and stuffed it away out of sight while they fight the fires of relationship conflict.

When our dreams are put on hold, it is common for resentment to build up towards the person whose needs are taking the priority. We don't mind doing that for a helpless baby or an injured friend - but if we're doing it repeatedly for someone who could just as easily do it for themselves our sense of injustice grows.

Over time, unchecked, that resentment has a way of creeping into everything we do. Like a poison spreading into our thoughts, our words, our body language, our tone of voice, our reactions. It's there and everybody can see it.

If - over a long time - our needs are not getting met, or our plans are repeatedly put aside while we are desperately trying to take care of someone else, it's hard to feel positive. We hold the abuser responsible for the abuse - but it's also common to begin to blame that person for everything that goes wrong - including the bad choices we have made too.

What happens when we blame someone else for everything bad in our lives? Hopelessness. Helplessness. Powerlessness. When someone else holds all the power - even though we may have given some of it to them - we eventually see no benefit to work on ourselves - after all, there's no point in building a house when you can see someone else lining up a wrecking ball.

Do you ever feel that way? - like there's no point in working on yourself? That's despair - and it may be a sign that you've been neglecting your needs for too long, giving your power to someone else and abandoning your post as the captain of your own ship - the ship that is you.

Finding A Therapist - (A good one!)

Not everybody who calls themselves a therapist or has a certificate is going to help you. Think about your school teachers. All were qualified - not all were equal.

Firstly, a good therapist will be one who understands about personality disorders and what it is like to have a relationship with someone who suffers from a personality disorder. If you find your therapist giving you the kind of advice that is popular in common culture but that only works when you are dealing with mentally healthy people who don't suffer from a personality disorder then you may not have the right therapist for you.

Secondly, a good therapist is like a good coach. A good coach will find ways to motivate you to be the best that you can be - they won't fill you with shame or lie to you about the things you need to work on. They will be honest, they will know how to help you make the right adjustments. When you fall - they will be the first to shout "I believe in You - you can do it!" And when you succeed, they will be cheering the loudest on the sidelines.

Thirdly, a good therapist will keep the focus on you and will help you to learn more about yourself. When you begin to talk about others a lot a good therapist will find a way to get back to your own issues and what you need to work on in your own life. After all -the only person you can improve in therapy is yourself - not anyone else. If you are not learning more about yourself and being coached to improve yourself then you might not be spending money in the right office.

Do something good for yourself! Find a good coach!